Eyes Toward Eternity

Today, I was a normal (relatively) high school student.

I attended classes, listened to and participated in lectures and discussions, saw friends, talked to people, the whole jig.

And I had a few transcending moments.


In my psychology class, we have been talking about all sorts of things and why we do them. We've covered the healthy and the unhealthy. Today, while reviewing for a test, I overheard (and was to a small extent a part of) a shocking conversation.

After finishing, a girl heard someone else (me) review out loud the word "bulimia" and she started telling a story.

She explicitly expressed a desire to be bulimic, but ended with "It doesn't work out for me though, I can't force myself to throw up; I just don't gag." I was appalled and almost verbally expressed the fact, but then she continued:

        "Ya, my friend's bulimic. She throws up all the time. Her dentist keeps telling her she's gonna rot out all her teeth."  *smiling incredulous half laugh*

the boy she was talking to--to very very much my surprise--didn't even discourage the behavior or tell her she didn't need to, that she was already good enough remarked neutrally:

        "You know, I really don't mind throwing up, I do it all the time after conditioning [a heavy form of team exercise]."

I listened intently, completely abashed by what I was hearing...
 
         "So I'm on laxatives right now. My mom wants me to be like 100 lb, so that stinks."


Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, I thought a subtle unbelieving interjection would help them see sense:

            "You know, this conversation is kinda sad..."

At which point the girl didn't seem to take any notice but instead she complimented me and went back eventually to her train of thoughts.

THE WORLD IS WRONG.

The current feminist movement too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a feminist, I think we all should be.

Feminist, by the way, just means that you believe that men and women should be treated fairly and equally, regardless of gender and that everyone should be afforded equal opportunities.

There is a wonderful sentiment sweeping the world that every woman is beautiful and that every woman is worth it. That everyone deserves love and respect.


THAT'S AWESOME!


The problem is that the message is being a bit messed up in a 'telephone' type of a process.

{Think for a moment (on a wonderfully catchy song that I love) on the lyrics of "All About that Bass" by Meghan Trainor. It's often accepted as a feminist song, but to me, it sounds exactly the opposite...}

Everyone is a human soul. They are all so much deeper than can be easily seen. Everyone deserves respect, life, liberty, love...

and THAT is WHY they are beautiful.

We are beautiful because of what we have inside of us.



Appearances do make impressions and they play a vital part in our lives, but 

"clearly--
Fame isn't everything, is it, Mr.         Potter?"
              ~Severus Snape

Life is so much more than it looks to be--in every sense of that phrase. Every life is more than it seems, our life experiences are so much more than they seem...

Don't get too caught up on a bad hair day, or the figure of your shadow, or the measurement of your waist, or the terrible clothes that kid you're sitting by is drowning in.


Life is so much more. Have the courage to look beyond the now.







Also, at this point, I'd like to thank my wonderful mother. I will probably never really know just how much she's influenced me to shelter me from some of the misconceptions of the world. I can only attribute my unique perspective to question things and to observe from every angle to her and her general magnificence.

Moms rule the world.

the Parent of All Virtues

Gratitude.

So we all know about gratitude, we all celebrate Thanksgiving--a holiday dedicated entirely to Gratitude...
and eating great food...

but why? 

Why is gratitiude of such paramount importance?


In my personal life, I've found that I don't realize how much I've been blessed very often. I may take the time to stop and smell the roses, but do I ever move on to admire the geraniums and the plumeria? No, I don't. Not very often anyway.

It's hard to take the time to do this. Especially considering that we often have to search these beatiful intricate pieces of our lives out.

Even when I try to realize how much I've been blessed, I have to really focus to make it happen. So why is gratitude so important if deep gratitude is so hard to find?

Gratitude Just Plain Keeps Us Humble.

Think, Just for a moment, about the humblest people you know. You respect them, you admire them. Why do they keep so humble? HOW?

The magical power they seem to have harnessed is called Gratitude. They recognise that what they have has been given to them by a loving and charitable God.

This keeps them Humble...

But of course we all knew that, so on to the next point.

 "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is His wrath kindled, save those who confess not His hand in all things, and obey not His commandments"

There are clearly a few easily available, basic answers to this question; "He gave me my life, my mind, my heart..." but President Uchtdorf, in the April 2014 General Conference explained an expanded concept of gratitude...

"I don't believe the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. In fact, most of the scriptural references do not speak of gratitude for things, but rather suggest an overall spirit or attitude of gratitude. It is easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way. But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?

"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God there is rain?"

We  can be grateful for blessings, TRIALS--for the chance they give us to become better--and service opportunities afforded to and for ourselves.

If you're having difficulty, perhaps begin with the attitude of appreciation that can be gained from learning about our Savior's atonement, the greatest blessing of them all, and it's consequence, our ability to repent, one of our hardest trials in life.

As a result of having gratitude, our vision is broadened. We begin to see a bigger picture.

All this means that in the end, having gratitude brings us closer to the divine.

Footprints

Have you ever thought about the impact you make, the way you change the lives of the people you cross paths with?

There are no chance meetings.

I recently met a man with an interesting philosophy; he believed that God put people into our lives, into our 'circle of acquaintances', because we needed to share something with them. Every new person we meet comes with new insight and a new perspective. These people change our lives. These people change who we are.

This man I came to know believed further that God put people in our lives not only to teach us, but so that we could similarly teach them.


His concept was not lost on me. 

I was rather pleased to hear it and had been thinking on the subject myself...

You see, I've only just returned from a six month stay in Arizona (where I met this man). I met many new people who changed my perspective a lot.

As our venture in the desert began, I did not anticipate to meet many people, I was fairly bitter about it. I often referred to myself and my situation jokingly as 'life in Rapunzel's tower' because it was expected that I wouldn't be leaving my house very much. I settled in by doing the only solo activity that really appealed to me:practicing my music.

I started playing through all of my music, trying to get better at sight-reading, playing songs more perfectly on the first time.



Having said this, I must say that I was fairly confident about the people I would meet. I knew that I would be having seminary with the locals and going to church with many of the same, but I didn't expect these people to come to mean too much to me because of the previous experiences that I'd had and because I would only be there for a few months. I expected to have pleasant experiences with them, to know their names and do something outside of church once or twice, but nothing more...

It took a long time for me to realize that I had been proven wrong.

Less than a week after moving in, a girl I'd seen only once in my first time at church kindly invited me to her house for a game night.

I wasn't too shocked, most people tried to be friendly to outsiders at first, but I was still excited to go to her party...

So I did. It was actually pretty boring for like the whole first half hour. I met so many people that night and I had no idea where it was going.

The next weekend, I was asked out on a date by a young man I'd met there at the party. There was really nothing special about this but if I didn't add this segment what I would have said for a transition would have been a lie, so you can just ignore this paragraph.

Every following week, this same girl that had reached out to me invited me to her house for some social activity.

I came to know her fairly well, although it took me a while to realize that too.


So week after week she invited me and week after week I came. I got to know a whole lot of the kids in the area and I had a pretty good time.

Not long after I'd come into the area, people I'd met once or twice started showing up at my house and bringing me cookies or taking me out shopping and everything else under the sun.

I assumed these people were merely very friendly and comfortable with spending money with strangers... ya, I never really thought about the way that sounded... it was all just a silent assumption, I didn't put much thought into it... (dumb blonde, remember? --see rantingsofacrazyteen.blogspot.com ) I never thought of this being abnormal.

As I neared the end of my stay in the land of the flaming sun, I went paddleboarding with two of my new friends (although I had until this point never really considered them to be super close). One girl turned to me and said "I bet you've had the best six months of your life here."

I was stunned by her sudden remark. STUNNED.

The Arizona experience had not really been too great. It was hot, I had been in only online schooling for several months, I'd been on at least five or six 11 hour road trips to Utah... and then back again, I'd been on another six hour trip to New Mexico and a thirty-something hour trip to Delaware--And back again... and my grandfather had been diagnosed with and passed away from an aggressive form of Mantle Cell Lymphoma. I had felt lonely and abandoned by many of my friends from before. I was thoroughly confused by the craziness of my life in general, and I'd had nothing else to do other than watch TV and practicing for 7 hours a day with no real furniture other than one couch in my house...

all I could think of to say was

"Well my Grandpa died..."

she looked down feeling awkward, but recovered, "I didn't mean it like that, I mean..." she paused, "Everyone has been so open to you. You've done so many fun things. This must have been the best few months socially of your whole life! You must've had so much fun!"

I responded numbly "Ya, it has been pretty fun I guess..."


I was left to think about her remark for an hour of paddling my surfboard up a river in the quiet of the outdoors.


I had been TOTALLY WRONG.

Here all these people were, going out of their way to spend time with a crazy blonde who they'd barely met and would scarcely see again. They took me out to ice cream, out to play ridiculous games, to a lake in the middle of a huge desert...

I had been completely ungrateful.

completely.

There was one song I had been practicing particularly in my spare time in the middle of nowhere.

It was a piano solo and an arrangement of the hymn, "Have I Done Any Good?"

This song now came flooding to my every thought.

I had imagined this to be my mantra. When I left Utah for Arizona, I was kept going by a thought that maybe I would be able to help these people I would meet. Maybe I would brighten their days... I had never even considered that it might possibly be the other way around.


Yes, I had done some good, yes, I had helped people I came to know, but I had really come here to learn through them helping me.


I was so blessed by their examples, so touched by their genuine care and concern that I knew this was a lesson I could never forget or take 'for granite' (as the illiterates like to say -- yes, I'm aware that's spelled murderously wrong)...

It was a lesson that needed to become a focus in my life. This was a lesson that I'd foolishly thought I had already learned, but just like every other lesson, I hadn't mastered it yet (and clearly I still have light years to go, even on this one), but I knew that this was something I needed to learn now.

When I left for the desert, I knew I would learn something. I knew that because God wanted me there so definitely there was just as definitely a purpose. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, but that I would be blessed, but I never could have anticipated any of how it worked out. I thought I was so clever and so wonderful... And I still am, but I've come to realize that there's a lot more to life than I had thought before. I was extremely humbled by what I learned.


That piano solo I mentioned before, it's become a very meaningful thing to me now. It's transcended beyond just a solo, it's become a pondering place for me. It's become a symbol.

The words go like this:

1. 1. Have I done any good in the world today?
   Have I helped anyone in need?
   Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
   If not, I have failed indeed.
   Has anyone's burden been lighter today
   Because I was willing to share?
   Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
   When they needed my help was I there?
2. (Chorus)
   Then wake up and do something more
   Than dream of your mansion above.
   Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,
   A blessing of duty and love.
3. 2. There are chances for work all around just now,
   Opportunities right in our way.
   Do not let them pass by, saying, "Sometime I'll try,"
   But go and do something today.
   'Tis noble of man to work and to give;
   Love's labor has merit alone.
   Only he who does something helps others to live.
   To God each good work will be known.
4. Text and music: Will L. Thompson, 1847-1909, alt.
5. https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/have-i-done-any-good?lang=eng

So now I have a new mission.

I want to make a real difference in real people's lives.

I am going to give it all I have...

And you should too

Because this is the kind of a lesson that can't just stay inside me.

I have to share it with others. I have to help it bless other people just as it blessed me through the love that I felt from a few fantastic, desert-dwelling saints who rescued me from my own, self-inflicted filth and misery.***

So please don't just be on your merry way, but make it a little merrier for those around you too, even--and especially--if you have to go well out of your way to do it.






***now before one of you gets the idea that I mean this was like some horrible place where I almost died and was suffering torture and bleeding all over the place or something, please understand, 

That's just the way I talk. I like to dramaticize my main points... a lot... times 12... Really.

So don't worry, I'm alright, there's nothing wrong. Don't worry.





I also just realized (after writing this post) that there's a similar one on my other blog relating the same story in a different way, but it's completely different... anyway, you can read that here.
http://rantingsofacrazyteen.blogspot.com/2014/07/arizona.html

Motherhood: the Errand of Angels

  Mothers' Day is a time to celebrate not only our mothers, but all the women who have brought us to where we are now through  the mothering quality of nurturing.  

There are many vibrant examples of strong and faithful women of faith inside and outside of any particular church. My grandmother was particularly fond of mother Theresa.   Mother Theresa was a Catholic woman, driven to aid those in need by her love of Christ. She truly lived her faith and acted on what she knew on a minute to minute basis. She sought out the poor, the lost, and the needy and she brought to them a resting place and a knowledge of the very real love of God.  

One of my favorite examples of a woman of faith is Ruth. When everything possible went wrong and her husband, brother-in-law, and father-in-law died, she chose to stay with Naomi, her old and now destitue mother-in-law. Ruth accepted Naomi's faith and stayed with her, relying completely on the counsel she recieved through revelation and from Naomi. Sariah, Lehi's wife in the book of Mormon, was similarly faithful; as was Esther. All of these faithful women let everything go to follow the revelations sent from the Lord. They not only left their homes, but went forward into  a completely unpredictable future, seemingly foolish to the eyes of men.  

But a woman does not have to search out the slums of India or gather wheat to support her mother-in-law, or cross the ocean to find a new continent, or speak out in the threat of annihilation in order be considered strong and faithful. She must only follow what she knows to be true and to be tender and caring.  

Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson shared her mother's story in the general women's broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; she grew up in an inactive member family, but week after week, she would walk herself to her primary meetings and attend church alone because of the nurturing care of her leaders. She knew that they loved her and as Elder Richard G. Scott said in LDS General Conference, the most powerful base from which one can influence another is love.

They have to know and feel that you love them... And that's what the errand of angels is all about.  

We've all heard the song.  

"the errand of angels is given to women; and this is a gift that as sisters, we claim: to do whatsoever is gentle and human, to cheer and to bless in humanity's name."  

In the Family Proclamation to the World,  we find a similar statement regarding the role of women as nurturers. So if love is the most powerful base of influence, a faithful mother truly has more influence than that of any office,  and she has love. She is a nurturer.  

When I ponder upon the meaning of the term 'nurturer', my thoughts go back to my great, great aunt, Ila. Anyone who ever met Ila will tell you that they were definitely her favorite relative, and that she was the sweetest woman you'll ever find. I remember visiting her apartment with my mother. She always had some apple treat baking in the oven, and you were always welcomed in he door with a spirit of love. She cared about you. She wanted to hear all about you and your life. She was a nurturer, and a true disciple of Christ.  

There are so many generations of people before us, and they brought us to where we are now.  

In certain family lines, there is a rich heritage of Latter-day Saint faith in my family. Micah Martine Katrine Margrethe Pedersen,  or Martina-as she was more commonly known-is my 5th great grandmother. She was quite the woman. She and her shusband were coverted to the church in Denmark and had a little girl, but when it came time to leave for america, to follow the saints, his faith ran out and he left her. She crossed the plains, was abandoned by her next husband and her third husband decided she should send her children away, so she went out on her own and raised many wonderful children-from which I descend. She brought that branch of my family into the gospel light and kept them strong in their knowledge through loving faith and prayer. I owe quite a lot to her and to her strength.  

As we look into the past, into our heritage, whatever it may be, we can only be strengthened by knowing more about those who came before us. We can learn from their stories and their examples. I've always known and been taught by my own mother that years and generatons don't matter, your innumerable grandmothers (and grandfathers) love you and care about you very much. They have passed from this life, but that only can make them feel closer to you, because now they know uou and can watch over you.  

I attended a youth fireside at Rootstech presided over by Elder Andersen of the quorum of the twelve apostles. He told us that we were already a temple going generation, we attended the temple fairly regularly and performed baptisms for the dead, but he prophesied that soon, we would find more names and have more temple cards than we could ever do the work for. We were told to branch out more, to search for our more distantly related ancestors. We were told to "find our cousins".

Our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers love and care for us so much. They've given us everyhing, and the best way we can pay them back for their sacrifices is to reunite them wih their families, so that they too can be sealed for all eternity. So take this opportunity to thank all of your mothers and give them back their children, their nieces,  their nephews, their aunts, uncles, grandchildren, and second cousins twice removed. That's what they really want, and I can promise that it will bless you in turn.

Believe in What You Feel Inside... You Have Everything You Need, if You Just Believe.

Christmas music is never out of season.

I think that a lot of us know things inside of our hearts that we're too afraid to act upon.

We're afraid of conviction.

It's just too committal. We can live our whole lives knowing how to breathe, but unless we act upon that knowledge, and we use it... Our lives don't tend to last all that long.

You have to actively believe in something. You have to hope, whole-heartedly, that it is true, or that it will work. We cannot shy away from our core beliefs...

And yet so often, we do.

We go through the turmoil that we call life, and sometimes, when we get thrown off the bull, we stay down and we rebel and curse God for what he has allowed us to endure.

But we really need to stop and think.

There are two paths you can take when you are thrown down into the dirt, in a cloud of dust and a sudden outcry in pain--two directions you can turn:

You can turn to your Father and ask Him to help you

Or you can get mad at Him for what He's put you through.




There's an old saying that I've recently fallen in love with.


"If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it."


I think many of us know that inside of ourselves, but when we get thrown into the dirt, off of that figurative, crazed bull, we react like this...

"I've been doing all that I can! What more can I do? I can't take any more! I just need time to heal first." 

And then we neglect our spiritual priorities, intending to merely take a break.

The problem with this is that it is precisely at these moments in which we need to care for our spiritual needs the very most.

When we turn in the opposite direction, we practically beg for some form of Divine Intervention, which is the only thing that can really help. Think about it. It may seem to be a less natural response, but how much more realistic is it? He can help you a lot more and it becomes a lot easier if we just follow what we know inside.

Seriously.

Just...

think about that for a little bit.